So this is going to be the post where I talk about my last job experience.
Yeah, it didn't end well, and while I have been all-too-quick to talk about all the things I learned from it and how I'm so grateful I got to experience it for as long as I did... but at the end of the day, I didn't take to the water quickly enough and was let go because of it. It wasn't that I didn't care about my job or that I wasn't trying, it's just that I didn't have the experience to learn the keys of my role in a quick enough amount of time. I was given a review period by my direct manager where I had a forum to ask questions and receive guidance, but instead of airing them my general response to the situation was work longer hours, study the details, write more notes, don't ask "stupid questions" and never complain or show weakness. Aside from the fact that the last one is impossible, the rest of these behaviors, while admirable in some ways, were misguided and cost me big-time.
Learning from the Insights of Experience
Recently I've been reading Colin Powell's self-help / life-management book: It Worked for Me. It's a pretty good read so far, that I decided to read as a variance in perspective from Bush's Decision Points, which I read earlier this month. Next up is Obama's Dreams From My Father. Mostly I've picked them up in an effort to beef up my knowledge about recent world events and the politics behind them -- which I've neglected cultivating over the past few years largely due to my own disillusionment with the political system. Plus, reading takes time, and personally I've been wasting a lot of my time with, for lack of better words, less intellectual pursuits over the past couple years.
But no one likes to cheer for someone trapped in self-pity...
Anyways, regardless of your own personal opinions on Obama, Bush and Powell -- the plain truth and bottom line is that you just don't reach the positions they did without a good head on your shoulders. In my opinion, both books contain a lot of universally-helpful nuggets of wisdom that I have found easy to relate to my own life. For example, did you know that Bush quit drinking way back in the early 80's? Forget whether you believe that or not for a second, and think about how little emphasis that got during his presidency...all those DUI attack ads, and his sobriety had already been a matter of public record for decades. In his book, Bush says it just got in the way of what really mattered to him, and he goes on to say that he never would've enjoyed his life as much otherwise -- never mind become the President of the United States. All those years I just thought he took shots while sent U.S Soldiers to their death for oil money. Speaking of that, it is also a matter of public record that he met with and sent more personalized letters to families of fallen soldiers than any other war-time president. I was looking to understand how a heartless monster could be elected president twice, and what I got was a layered... well, this is getting besides the point but the bottom line is that I found out that ignorance can be shockingly-prevalent in everything from the television, politics to even the most well-intentioned people. Moving forward, another valuable nugget I've found while reading these books was in one of the first chapters of It Worked for Me, where Powell refers to the type of worker I just described myself as a busy bastard.
The Lumps of Being a Busy Bastard
From my interpretation, a busy bastard is the type of worker who can never "let it go" and ends up creating additional work because of his/her misguided disposition. Whether that be busy work or just by splintering their focus away from their essential responsibilities and then making rushed mistakes on them. Bottom line; it didn't work for me and I wouldn't recommend being a busy bastard to anyone under review or who is just starting to feel insecure about their position. It's better to be as open about as possible about the things you don't know or feel confident about as early as possible -- even though it puts your weaknesses on display, it's more than likely your superiors and peers are already just as (if not more) aware of them then you are. Plus, no one's perfect, but the people that are open about their imperfections tend to earn respect and understanding faster that the one's who appear to pretend they're not there. Maybe that sound obvious to you too, I probably would have said "I know that already," a year ago -- but I think there's sometimes a real difference between a logical comprehension of something and actually putting it into action. Kind of like someone who decides not to vote because "there are no good candidates," but also didn't take the time to get a clear grasp on the issues or positions before making that decision -- broad strokes are not something you can ever stake your life on. Or your job on for that matter.
I can hold my head high and bask in the knowledge that I always 'gave it my all,' 'never gave up hope' and 'tried my best' all I want -- but the reality is that I just wasn't good enough from day one to avoid being let go after six months. The job was a great one too; a junior media planner working on the digital campaigns for a very good brand on an absolutely amazing account. While shepherding digital campaigns wasn't what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, it was something I could hang my hat on at 23 years of age. And after a few years there, I could go anywhere. Plus by then I would have my own place in the world's greatest city (or a nearby borough), invaluable knowledge of the business-end of publishing, a network of friends and useful contacts to boot. But in the end, I didn't handle adversity well-enough because I wasn't transparent about my capabilities. I didn't ask for help or additional explanation early enough, and ended up helpless to catch up once the expectations for my daily output started to rise. When that happened, I did my best to make up for it by being the busiest bastard I could manage, but what I should have done was taken stock of the situation and expressed my needs in a clear manner with my supervisor. They even gave me the chance to do so, multiple times, but I kept on trying to busy my way through it all. Looking back, I think that even when I first went on review, and it had become clear to my team that I was willing to put in the hours and recognized the need for serious change in my performance, I could have solved everything just by articulating a few things that were still confusing me about the job and also that I would appreciate a bit clearer instructions on new tasks. That sort of honesty would've been hard for me, for sure, but also would've been respected or at the very least understood. Instead of treating every day like a battle that could only be won by completing every task perfectly and never speaking out of turn, I could have made myself more comfortable with asking necessary questions and probably would have quickly lead to a healthier and more manageable workload. And if not, well then maybe the job just wasn't the right fit for me, but it sure would have been a helluva lot better than being the busy bastard that got fired because he couldn't manage his workload.
But Life Goes On...
Every day I remain unemployed I have to accept my failure a little more, but it's also a chance to understand why it happened and what I can do to prevent it a little more. Reading books, pursuing my passions and hobbies, taking the time to travel and try new things -- these are all things I didn't do when I was working something close to 80 hours a week at my last job. They not only help me lead a healthier lifestyle -- but I think clearer because of it. That's why busy bastards always fail -- they don't ever go that other life and embrace something besides working for the sake of it. That's not a sustainable place to be in, professionally or personally, and the way to avoid being one is by demanding and maintaining a clear understanding of expectations at work, making sure they're manageable and if not then expressing your concerns, while also facilitating a fulfilling and renewing existence outside of work. There are no prizes for working the most hours, only for the most quality hours. The people that do that are the one's that have a good times with their family, make time to hit the gym, read books and pursue their passions as an escape. If you find you don't have enough time for all that after work, then it might be time to cut some of the less essential stuff out (like drinking, partying or going on Facebook) and if that still isn't enough, then it's reasonable that you would bring that up to your supervisor. Again, sounds simple? I thought I understood it too, but when it came time to express my need for additional explanation and clearer instructions I just decided to "deal with it" and soldier on through until I had more confidence in my position. But instead of appearing strong, I just made myself weaker and less capable of doing my job with reliable success. Next time will be different, yeah-yeah, but only in the sense that experience comes from bad judgement. I'd have been much better off if I had just shared my issues with my team then trying to appear as though they didn't exist, but instead, I have to learn from them in hindsight while I'm out of work.
A little humility goes a long way and a little honesty can save your life.
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