Do I really want to pursue a life in NYC? Would I be doing myself a disservice not to keep trying to build my professional life there? The energy of the city felt so right with me sometimes, and it's absence is growing more noticeable.
But what about the opportunity here? Free rent and family support -- plus old friends and no new apartment bills? But would I be happy taking a job here in CT, when I know that the networking and career growth opportunities are centralized in the city?
And what about my old Hollywood fantasies -- I've never even visited and now might be as good a time as ever for taking chances?
It's almost a curse to have this kind of freedom -- I can't make heads or tails of what I "should" do, and my heart is still having a hard time getting past the recent blow to the ego. Lately, I have this huge chip on my shoulder urging me to get back on the media planning horse -- partly because I know that type of experience can take me to where I want to go in the future, but I also because (rational or not) I feel that I have to prove I can do it since my last media planning gig turned out to be such a harsh lesson.
It doesn't help that right when I was really starting to understand (and by proxy; enjoy) my responsibilities as a media planner, I was let go and had to start my career-building process all over again. Bottom line -- I'm having a hard time figuring out if the role is right for me, or if I'm just doing it because I'm afraid that I'm not doing it because I fear failing again. I want to follow my heart but I don't trust it anymore, and that's why I'm taking a few days to stop and take on other projects.
In my free time I've been plenty busy -- catching up with a couple old friends from high school, posting some old projects from college for the first time, and re-editing them a bit (see attached), fixing up my production reel for future applications, working on my mother's wedding video -- and I've been toying with a few side-projects that I'll bring up in another post.
Also -- getting up early is still an on-going process I want to improve in -- maybe I should keep a letter to myself next to my bed everyday so I remember my motivation because it's tough to recall when the sun's up and I feel like the only one left in the world without a job. I can't imagine being in the city would make dealing with these emotions any easier -- but it's tough escaping a feeling of exile when waking up in my childhood bed after a year living in the world's liveliest community.
Anyways, until next time, keeping my head up and my eyes forward true believers.
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