Control

There is no greater peace than letting go of the ego and its selfish desires. There are only a few years left in my twenties. They are half-way over and I have the world on my shoulders if I let it rest there. What I am learning to do instead is putting my mind’s eye onto one thing at a time – what I can control. 

My need right now, or to put this in a better way, my deepest desire that I believe should be worked towards is to find a job. The reasons are the trouble. One part of me wants the money and respect that comes with a job.  Another side wants the activity and self-assurance that comes from a job. Still another wants to the transcendent quality of a job that stands side-by-side with my heart and dreams. 

All of these things may not be found in my next job – or rather – as I search for the right job I feel like I am being stretched in one too many directions as I try to account for all these disparate and contradictory impulses. My degree and my soul are too separate truths – both are relevant in the hiring process - whereas my heart and mind are what does the work and I need all ships traveling in the same direction. 

What scares me is that my ladder is propped up against the wrong house or to no house at all. There is nothing unique about a desire to write a Family Guy script or sell the value of a unique advertising concept to a hot brand and trying to find work in that area is like trying to find candy in a health store. Sure it would be great, says society, but grow up idiot and get in line for the vegetables like the rest of us! Less you want to end up lining up outside of a doughnut shop that may or may not open for the rest of your life. Maybe once you get used to it and grow up you will become more marketable.

The question that everyone should ask themselves everyday - am I doing the things that I can't NOT do? They don't have to ask it in a double-negative format but you get my drift...if it's not important, why do it? You've got kids and need money, stick with the program. You've got money and a secure position but hate your life, time to ask questions. You're unemployed and feel like punching your mac in the face from frustration and can't stop renegotiating decision you made in the past for insights, you're better off living to be happy now.

The hardest part about being unemployed is that the thing you want to change the most in your life is completely outside of your control. Sure, you can send out resumes until your inbox is inundated with more "thank you for applying" messages than spam for a few days...but it like putting a band-aid on an open wound. Not only does it not solve the problem, but it can be disheartening when those same companies (the nice ones) come back with "sorry we went with someone else" messages until your self-esteem is little more than a memory. Not saying we don't have the choice to rise above it - hell, we have to - but sometimes the important thing about contorl is to know when to change your focus.

This week I am reading a new book every day. This is something I have tried to do for years but usually lead to me taking out far more books than I could keep up with akin to someone filling up their plate to access at an All You can Eat Buffet. The thing is, in a day, it is completely possible to read a book. Heck, college kids do it every year around exam time. Some do it all semester long and - I tell you this - its very unlikely they are ever unemployed for long.

So in close, always remember that you have control over your time. Time is money, but more importantly, time is your life.